I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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