as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
