VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
