Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
