if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish I could teleport
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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