Banned from zoo.
Again?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
