walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
