...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
