No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
