just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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