He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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