butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
