I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize