Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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