from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize