a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
