Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
