I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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