Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
