I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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