I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
where are my eyebrows?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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