i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Small penises have feelings too.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
