My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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