The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
