He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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