Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
