Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Houston, we have a blender
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
