these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
