my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
