Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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