it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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