I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
