Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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