shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
