Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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