you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
