i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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