drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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