franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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