I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
