I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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