Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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