I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
