so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you had me at cake vodka
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
