I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize