I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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