i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
