Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
