it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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