I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
whose parrot is this?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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