Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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