Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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