tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
