porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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