I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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