i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
