My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
