best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
