oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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