Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
