I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize