Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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