He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
