Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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