carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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