My hand turned me down
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
