your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
