***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
