this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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